An Open Letter to Eidos

(Cross-posted on the Eidos Facebook page. I really hope they get themselves together over there.)

Steps to attempt to pay for / download / install Eidos’ Hitman 2: Silent assassin:

1. Navigate to Eidos.com
2. Click “Store”
3. Search for “hitman”. Note the game pops up. Note that the price is in Pounds, not dollars).
4. Attempt to buy. Receive a message saying you’re out of the service area for this download. Note that the browser is now pointing to a .co.uk domain (strange, since you entered Eidos.com)
5. Go back to Eidos.com realize that for some reason it thinks you’re British and click on the “USA” link to switch the locale.
6. Note that the “Store” icon is greyed out completely, with no explanation whatsoever. Clicking on it does nothing.
7. Frustrated, realize that it must be because you don’t have an Eidos.com login. That’s cool, you’re happy to create one.
8. Click “Register”. You are taken to a simple-enough registration page.
9. Enter your name (no spaces) as your username, enter your correct e-mail, enter a password of letters & numbers (9+ characters), date of birth, be sure to select the right options.
10. Receive an error: “Sorry, the Eidos Connect account could not be created because of the following error(s): Profile is invalid”
11. Think maybe it’s because you entered something wrong. Enter the information again.
12. Receive the same error.
13. Enter the information again including all optional fields.
14. Receive the same error again, with still no indication of anything you could have done wrong.
15. Realize that you’re using Google Chrome and maybe it doesn’t support that browser.
16. Retry steps 8-14 in Internet Explorer. Receive the same error.
17. Retry steps 8-14 in Firefox. Receive the same error.
18. Give up, having wasted 30 minutes of your life just to attempt o give Eidos your money.

Just wanted to map that out for you in case software companies wonder why someone could ever consider pirating a game. PLEASE HELP ME GIVE YOU MY MONEY.

Unless maybe, the Eidos web site is a game itself?! If you’re able to figure out the cypher across the ruins of post-apocalyptic webpage design, and complete the mighty download against the wishes of the enraged server gods, you too can give your money to Eidos! Definitely a new idea. I want the rights to that one.

…I know I’m being harsh here, but I think you need to know that I’m not often a gamer – but I AM an IT guy – and in anticipation of Hitman 3 I wanted to delve into the series for the first time. This was my first interaction with you as a customer, and likely my last.

By contrast: I wanted to play call of duty. I went to valve’s web site, searched, clicked download, set up an account, paid, kicked off the download and was playing 20 minutes later.